Apologies for my absence over the course of the last week or so. Have been laid low with man flu, followed by a nasty bug which has ensured I have felt very sorry for myself whilst convalescing, But, after lots of binge tv watching, I’m back on my feet and ready for whatever October has to offer.
Whilst I was ‘offline’ I celebrated my third sober birthday! I have prided myself on being privately very proud of this achievemnent without feeling the need to shout it from the rooftops. In the past, any achievement, no matter how small, would have been broadcast to as many people who would care to listen This enabled me to feed my insecurty and validate my existence. But in recovery, that ‘need’ has gradually diminished, to be replaced with an inner, humble confidence that is able to recognize success with out hanging out the bunting, and failure without beating myself to inch of my life. It’s balance. And a balanced recovery mind is so much better than the extremeities of an actively addicted head space.
‘So why, if your are sooo humble and sooo unaffected, do you tell us now!’, I hear a few of you think, and probably even say (apologise for doing your thinking for you!) Well, it was pointed out to me, by a good friend also in recovery, that whilst being privately proud of maintaining my sobriety and working a solid, if not perfect, recovery, I must also remember that there are many out there who take hope and inspiration from hearing ‘good news’ recovery stories. It is some semeblence of proof that recovery works, that there is a life after addiction – my own efforts being proof of that. If I can do it, anybody can!
If I cast my mind back to those early, difficult days of my recovery journey, I remember being so thrilled (and jealous) of individuals who were celebrating milestone anniversaries at my local AA and NA meetings. I wanted what they had. Of course, I wanted it all immediately, being an addict. But those same people freely gave me direction, told me to be patient, and to keep moving forward, and those gifts would soon start appearing. And they weren’t wrong.
This is just the start for me, and for the people I love and care about in my life. The journey continues, and I still need to keep moving forward, Some days I take leaps and bounds, others slow down to crawl, but always forward. Without putting too much pressure on myself, I feel confident to tackle areas of my life, that will enhance my health and my wellbeing. And today is the only day I can do something about that.
Recovery works very much like life does, the more you put in, the more you get out – somedays you feel short changed, on others the blessings can be overwhelming…the key is finding, and appreciating, the balance you now have.
Have a great Monday,