With all the seriousness that surrounds what happened during my active addiction years, and the dank, darkness of where my illness has taken me and as result, those who care for me, it’s very easy to lose your sense of humour. But it’s imperative that you don’t. I mean, I’m a few years into my sober journey, and my addiction is still very much there. It comes in the form of a voice promoting negative urges to escape the negative feelings that often crop up. That voice will try and convince me that looking at myself is far too scary, better to run OR that there is no fun to be had in a sober world OR that I’m not sick, its everyone else OR that I am not worth saving.
The little shit gets louder when I’m at my most vunerable, and whilst its not pleasant, it does engender a wry smile these days. In the past, where I once hung on every word, today I do still listen but more out of courtsey and amusement, than with any serious value attached to what is being said. Because today I know where it’s coming from, and it’s not a place of love and care. To deny it would deny it exists and that can be equally as dangerous. So laugh at it, laugh at it’s insanity – it’s so wrong, it’s funny! I suppose in that way, it’s a bit like Donald Trump! Maybe it’s his voice I’ll attach to it in the future for further amusement.
Anyway, if you can force a smile when those voices, those urges come, and resist the lure, you’ll be well on your way in recovery, and the more you smile, the happier you will be. I hope your Sunday is going well – Sully x